Lakeside Visitor November 2009

Sometimes I wake up and I’m on top of the world. Nothing can go wrong and nothing short of an act of God can dampen my spirits. Other times I wake up and realize something has changed in me. That act of God I almost dared to come, well…comes. But far from being the heart-rending drenching I was expecting, I find the act of God is a move to loose the chains that bind me.

            This past week I stumbled upon Psalm 143 in my Bible reading. You might not believe me, but do you know that’s always been in there?! I must have read over it many times but where the Spirit gives new insight, what has sadly become commonplace or ordinary suddenly becomes extraordinary. Surely God was standing behind me saying, “See, remember when you used to be this open with me?” I was broken. I had other things to do but the only thing I wanted to do right then was confess to my God what He already knew. More than that, He knew how I was bound by my thoughts. Sins can be a pesky, resilient reality, can’t they? We pray for forgiveness, we know God hears and answers the repentant heart, but somehow the memory of the sin remains. It lingers and beds down in our minds for the (fort)night, and sometimes that night is longer and harder than the rest. Sometimes it’s not even sin but a feeling of worthlessness that someone has placed in us, and we have nurtured until it’s crippled us. Someone, somewhere, made us feel like less of a person, less worthy of respect and love, and less able to accept the loving arms of God. Whatever the case, we are trapped under an unbelievable weight we can hardly handle alone.

It’s in these places that God reminds us of three difficult truths: one, our enemy has crushed our souls to the point of breaking. Two, we remember how we once followed and trusted God and something’s changed. Three, God alone can put us back on solid ground. But how can we go back to God after we’ve shown ourselves to be so weak? David does not drown in the despair of these things. He knows that enemies crush, but God revives. We have turned from God’s guidance, but we can still be taught. God can right our feet when we reach out for Him. This is all well and good to say, hypothetically, but when we are confronted with all our familiar baggage the reality of our problem hits a little too close to home. Our chains may keep us down, but the alternative will hurt, won’t it?

In a conversation with my mom, she shared how a teacher’s words on the fiery furnace had opened her mind to a startling reality. Sometimes the burning of the fire is needed to get rid of the chains that hold us. As I read Psalm 143 I felt the burning of past sins falling away, of past actions–mine and others’–losing their hold. Though the enemy uses my past to cripple, my God makes all things new. I cry out to Him in obedience and He hears; I remember what He’s done in the past; you remember His faithfulness, His love, His good Spirit. You ask Him to loose the chains that have bound you so your service of Him will be unhindered. You rest in Him and remember, with a repentant heart, that you are His servant. The fire may burn, but the refining makes us stronger if we let it…. and if a few chains fall off in the process, all the better.