Lakeside Visitor February 2010

We’ve all been there before: someone says something to us–or at least near us–and our first reaction is anger. It’s instinctive. Whether our natural response to that anger is running away or getting ready for a fight, we react to the hurt we feel. It’s one thing to believe we should do the right thing and work toward resolution but something entirely different to do so. It’s hard to be hurt, or to feel like we have been wronged in some way, and treat others with the respect we feel we’ve missed out on. How should we act and, in doing so, save face and remain in control?

Some may give the offender the benefit of a doubt and let it go. Some may try and fail, giving anger and resentment room to grow. Others offer up a prayer, leaving it in God’s capable hands. May I offer another possibility? In this upside down faith of doing the opposite of our human nature, we are told we gain more by sacrificing first. Jesus calls us to be peacemakers. Confrontation is a very unpleasant prospect (to me especially) but there is a way to confront a problem without dragging the person through the mud. We can exercise a spiritual muscle that is not instinctive, but is available; not for the faint of heart, but for the powerful.

Grace. It takes more strength to graciously approach another than to lash out and harm someone back, slander them to others, or malign them in your heart. They could hurt us again. They could be indifferent to the hurt we felt at their hands. They could… and then a wonderful quote comes to mind by the witty Mark Twain: “I have been through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.” After all, they could surprise us by being surprised they hurt us! The apologies could flow like wine and the hurt we once felt could transform to become a deeper and more lasting relationship. Colossians 4:6 tells us to speak with grace, which likely means charm here. But why not favor, goodwill, or good pleasure, as is God’s gift to us?

What if I always thought the best of all people? It’s an interesting idea. If I believed all people behaved with kindness in mind, instead of malice (harm), I would act differently too. When I got hurt by someone there would be no fear of going up and talking it out graciously, fearing greater harm. That might happen but the fear of it would be removed because I would then know the truth: either I misunderstood or I did not. In both cases I get to move on instead of dwelling on something, and knowing either truth sets me free from being responsible for another person’s behavior. Somehow, in God’s economy, giving up control brings peace. What a grace!

And by the P.S., did you notice I misprinted the location for Jesus’ metaphor of trees and fruit in last month’s article? It’s in Matthew 7, not 8–an honest mistake from bad proofreading on my part. I hope you can offer me grace and the benefit of a doubt.